Oh, Mike
by Werewolf Enthusiast
Summary: Mike is tired of being rejected by Bella, so he takes matters into his own hands. Will he prevail, or is Bella and Edward's love strong enough to withstand it? Even love darts? Read to find out! First fanfic, plz R&R! :NOW COMPLETE WITH EPILOGUE!:
1. Chapter 1

**AN: so this is my first random fanfic!! YAY!! warning: OOCNESS GUARANTEED!! lol, please read and enjoy!!**

MPOV

"Are you sure this will work?" I asked skeptically. Wow, big word…

"I'm positive," he said. "What for, AIDS?" I asked in shock. "NO! That this will work," he said with a grin…ew creepy. I wasn't sure about it, but something about his greasy goatee and side burns had me convinced. "Just poke her with it and she'll be yours."

"Deal!" I said and I paid the 7.98 and left, quickly…

**Next day in English**

MPOV

"Hey Bells," I said, trying to be cool. I'm not sure it worked though, she said "Hey," with her nose in Wuthering Heights. AGAIN.

I took my chance while she was distracted and poked her with the love dart. "OW!" she exclaimed. "What was that??"

"What was what?" I asked innocently. "Oh, um, never mind…" she said blushing. Probably embarrassed, she's so cute when she blushes…FOCUS MIKE! I've got a job to do. Operation get Bella, now in action.

"Has _Edward_ ever said how lovely your eyes match your hair?" She looked at me confused at first, then blushed and replied, "No, but I loooved how you just did." Did she just bat her eyelashes at me?? Oh sweet, the love dart worked!! This will be easy…

BPOV

Did I just bat my eyelashes at Mike?? Oh gross, what's gotten into me? Well, whatever it is, I'm sure being in the presence of my personal angel will push all things Mike out of my head. –sigh- Now back to my book!!

**Lunch **

MPOV

"Hello, love," Edward greeted Bella. –shudder- Has she seen how he looks at her? I would never look at her like, like, something to eat. I would cherish her, care for her an-- did she just wink at me?? My mouth dropped open. By now we were at the lunch table and Bella just looked at me and winked when Edward wasn't looking.

I looked back at her and saw her bat her eyelashes. "Bella, love, what's wrong with your eye?" "Oh, um, just my mascara, I got some in my eyes…" she went back to her conversation, nit without giving me another wink.

Oh gym would be most excellent…

**Ooh, cliffy!! i would appreciate...hm...3 REVIEWS!! before i update. there will only be like 3, 4 at most chapters and i'd like to be done today or tomorrow. so, HIT THAT BUTTON!!**


	2. Chapter 2

**so i didnt get 3 reviews, but i made it onto someone's fav list and i was SOOOO HAPPY!! YAY FOR THAT PERSON!! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!! WOOT!! now that thats over...CONTINUE!**

MPOV

"Oh Mike, you are soo funny!! And have I ever mentioned how much I adore your cute lil hair spikes?" Bella asked me as we walked out from gym. Gym had gone better than I had hoped. She was so focused on me that she was clumsier than usual, if possible. Yet every time she found a way to fall so that she would fall right into my arms. "Oh, Mike! You saved me!" she would cry.

I smiled wide and replied, "No, but better late then never!!" She giggled at this. "Hey, why don't you and I do something tonight, you know, like a date?"

She shrieked. "OMG I'd love to!!" SU-WEET! "I'll have to ditch _Edward _though… but that will be no problem!!"

As we passed Edward at his usual spot, I wished I had my camera on me. His face was PRICELESS!! It went from confusion, to shock, to pain, to flat out anger. All in 10 sec. No lie, I counted in my head. Multitasking, how do I do it?

"Hey Edward. I'm going out with Mike tonight. So, yeah. BYES!" All the while she was playing with my cute lil hair spikes, barely looking at Edward. She wasn't afraid though, she just didn't care about him. SU-WEET!

So we walked out together, headed towards the bike racks, when Bella asked me, "What are we doing going this way?"

"I want to show you my sweet ride. BAM!!" I said when we got to my bike. I had my arms extended and was doing spirit fingers, just to emphasize the coolness factor."10 speed, 15 gear, front and back pedal brakes, AND, the best part… -BEEP BEEP- fully tricked out horn."

"OMG IT'S AWESOME!! It soo turns me on!!" She shrieked, causing Edward and his family to look in our direction. They all looked at Bella in utter shock, but she payed them no mind.

"Well get on," she said as she got on, patting the part of the seat in front of her. I quickly unlocked it and got on. "Now hold on _really_ tight," I said. "I'll hold on to you anywhere," she replied. I shivered. But it was the good kind. I was thinking of how lucky I am that the love dart last all through the night… I started imagining it when I swore I could hear Cullen growling.

"Let's roll," I said and quickly wheeled out off of the school grounds. This was seriously SU-WEET!

BPOV

What was I doing?? Did I just say "lil hair spikes"?? and how could I blow off Edward like that?? MY PERSONAL ANGEL FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! But for some reason, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't help but love Mike.

O LORD. I just said I love Mike. EW! But yet some part of me liked it.

–shiver- Oops, good thing Mike didn't see that.

**At bikes**

I can't believe I'm going on a date with Mike Newton on his BIKE. It's the dorkiest thing I've ever seen. Heard, now that goes to his horn.

Did I just say "I'll hold on to him anywhere??" Oh gross, I'm never perverted. I'm more innocent than Edward. And that's saying something. I'm soo barfing when I get home. Not to mention what Edward will do. Oh crap.

Yet I didn't care at the moment and was soon riding off with Mike.

Someone save me…

EPOV

What the fu- er, I mean… FUNNY BUNNY! That's it.

WHAT.

THE.

FUNNY.

BUNNY.

**so again im asking for 3...but if you make me extra happy ill have mercy on (i know how much you luuuuve my story XD) PUSH THAT BUTTON!!**


	3. Chapter 3

**YAY! I got my reviews and like I said, here's your chapter. This one is two combined, so its longer. But for the big finale I'll need 5 reviews!! **

**DISCLAIMER: no matter how much I wish, I don't on the characters...sigh… but a girl can dream right??**

EPOV

"Whoa," said Emmet, helpful as always.

"Didn't see that coming…" Alice added, in her trance like state, probably trying to see what will happen. I looked in her mind to see what she saw.

_Bella and Mike showing up at movies, then disappearing, then she goes back to her place…_

"Wait, disappearing? Well then that means… urgh the pups," I groaned.

"Don't worry Edward, I'm sure it'll be fine," said Alice trying to calm me down, but it wasn't working very well.

"Yeah, and maybe it's a good thing you're free tonight. You haven't been since you'vemet her," Rosalie said, filing her nails, not even bothering to look up as she said it. "I mean his hair spikes are cute…" I didn't let her finish before I was up in her face, inches away, but she didn't even flinch.

"I know you don't like Bella, but you can take your biatchy comments to your self!" I roared. "Yeah, yeah," she muttered. I was about to punch her when Jasper stopped me.

"Come on Edward, it's not worth it. Bella will be fine. Maybe she just tripped, bumped her head and has temporary memory loss? But I know how you feel bro…" and then he and Emmet burst out laughing. Apparently there is something funny about an EMPATH vampire knowing how you feel, because even Alice had to stifle her giggle.

But I felt no humor, just anger and pain. I pinched the bridge of my nose and got into the car to drive. –sigh- it was going to be one of those nights…

**At movies**

BPOV

Oh lord, I can't believe I'm here with Mike. Ugh! Whatever is wrong with me, I hope it doesn't last…

"What do you want to see?" he asked me smiling, ew creepy.

"I don't care, whatever is you want, my lil spiky sweetie." What the funny bunny did I just say?? I almost barfed right then and there, but then my silent prayers were answered.

I heard laughter, a deep husky sound, and soon they rounded the corner. HALLELUJAH! And the angels rejoiced!! As soon as they saw me they stopped short. It was Jacob, Quil, and Embry. Hallelujah!

"Hey Bells: Jacob said but it sounded more like a question. "What's up?"

"Oh, just me and Mikey here to see a movie," as soon as I said it I was so repulsed that I groaned. Hey, I actually groaned against Mike! Maybe this is wearing off…

"So you're Mike?" Jake asked.

"The one and only," Mike replied. Oh how gay.

"How'd you get Bella all over you like that? I've been trying forever." He said it as a joke but I could tell he was upset by how tight his eyes were.

"It wasn't easy," he started. "But she finnaly came around…plus," he added in a whisper, "I darted her." My eyes bulged and my mouth dropped open, but I recovered before Mike would notice.

"Really?" Jake said in a furious tone, but played it off as a joke. "I'll have to remember that…Guys," he said looking at Quil and Embry. I hadn't paid them much attention, but now I noticed them, slightly shaking. "I think it's time we called the leeches…"

"Leeches?" Mike asked, being annoyingly nosey.

"Umm…" Jake was having trouble coming up with a reply. "Our friend went swimming but got covered in leeches, so we're gonna go see that he's OK," Embry said quickly.

"Yeah! Bye, Bells," Jake said looking at me, hoping I would get the double meaning. I gave I slight nod and soon all three boys left.

"That was weird," Mike said to himself.

"Yeah, um, pookie bear?" I asked. I swear I almost barfed right then and there.

"Yes sugar muffin?" What the funny bunny? I think I did just barf. "Um, I don't feel so good." That was no lie. "Can you please take me home?" I used the puppy dog pout but I'm not sure how well it worked. I could feel the dart wearing off minute by minute.

"Sure," he said.

When we got home I quickly got off of his bike, but not before he grabbed me. He turned me around and gave me a big kiss. I tried so hard not to barf into his mouth. I wanted so bad to either slap him (no punching…) or kick him where the sun don't shine. But the dart hadn't worn off enough yet.

When he finished I ran to the door and inside without a second glance.

"What's wrong Bells?" Charlie asked me. I was almost hyperventilating and even he would notice me distress.

"Mike happened," I replied in-between gags. "Oh," was all Charlie said. He probably figured it was a boy problem and decided to stay out of it. Good choice.

I went to the bathroom, gave a few dry heaves ad then ran to bed. Apparently a side affect is drowsiness, and as soon as I hot the pillow I was out. I had a dreamless sleep, though I could swear I could hear my lullaby in the background later on…

**All right, not so much punishment in this one… BUT NO WORRIES!! It is definitely coming soon. MWHAHAHAHAHA!! chap is longer than usual, cuz if they were 2 diff ones its too short. So like I said id like 5 reviews!! (hmm... im alil redundant today...) PUSH THAT BUTTON!! (says in wheel of fortune voice)**


	4. Chapter 4

**so, my lovely readers, this is PERHAPS the last chapter... but thats up to the amount of reviews...**

**so to promote reviews im dedicating this chapter to my reviewers usaprincess242, the eclipse1210, twilight luver forever, BUNNIE OF DOOM, Bubbly722, Helen Storks, topazeyedMTlion, midnightangel109, RodentOfUnusualSize, RAWR.yes., im.smitten.with.you., innocentdemon02, myblackshoes9363.**

**wish your name was on that list?? well it can be if you PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!**

**Next day**

BPOV

I woke up so clouds, no surprise. At first I couldn't remember anything, but then it all came back to me. "UGH!" I moaned. When I looked at the clock I let out a shriek and then rushed to get ready. I was really late and headed to the bathroom.

When I was finally ready, in record time I might add, I looked out the window. There, faithful as always was a silver Volvo. The pop tart in my stomach was not settling well when I thought of what laid ahead.

I walked out slowly, taking my time with the lock. When I got in Edward gave me a slight smile and began driving.

"Oh Edward!!" I cracked. "I'm sooo sorry! I don't know what came over me. Mike darted me or something and I couldn't help it. I would never hurt you…" that was all I could say before tears began to spill over. I tried to stop them but Edward got there first. His cold skin was refreshing against my skin.

"Shh…don't worry, love. Jacob called and explained it all." He said with my favorite crooked smile. He then grabbed my hand and began rubbing soothing circles on my hand.

"Really?" I said through sniffles.

"Yes, and," he said this as a sly smile crept up onto his face. "Well, let's just say that we had an intervention with him."

"What did you do?" I asked a little worried, but completely intriugued.

"Well…" he started…

**Flashback**

_EPOV _BPOV

_Mike was riding his bike home when all of a sudden he was pushed off of it and hit the hard ground, landing on his back. "Oof." He let out. Then all around him was dark lafter, some husky, some like bells._

"Wait, wait," I interrupted. "Who exactly was there?"

"Well, there was Jasper, Emmet, Jake, Quil, Embry, and myself of coarse," he said without any guilt.

"All six of you??" I asked in shock. I knew Mike was a sleez ball, but six?

"Is that a problem? Does that upset you?" Edward asked, looking concerned.

"No, no, it's fine. Continue please." The more I thought about it the more I liked the idea of it.

"_Who's there?" Mike asked. Then all six of us walked out from underneath the covering of the trees. "What do you want??" he asked nervously. I don't think that even if I were dying of thirst-figure of speech-that I'd ever want his blood. _

"_We don't appreciate what you did to Bella," Jake, Quil, and Embry said together. _

"_What are you talking about?" Mike asked. It seemed like he was going to play innocent, but I was taking no crap._

"_Oh yes you do Michael. So don't try to deny it. It'll only make things worse." Jasper, Emmet, and myself all said together. So we then all grabbed him and shoved him up against a tree so he couldn't escape. Not that he could anyway. _

_We began to ask him questions, and all he could answer was that he was better than any of us. _

"What kind of questions?" I wanted to know.

"Umm…not of the importance. Just what he did exactly to you and stuff of that sorts…" he said evasively.

_Anyway… when Jacob started shaking slightly after Mike said something about you, Mike, as always, had to antagonize him further. "What's wrong? Can take it that Bella likes a real man? Or is it that you're tired already from throwing a few punches?"_

"Oh, Mike," I laughed darkly to myself.

_And with that Jacob hit him right in the face. I wish I had done it, but glad I didn't actually have to touch his face. So expect to see him with an enormous black eye. _

"HA! So what did you do to the guy he bought it from? Or did you not bother?" I asked.

"Oh, I'm not done with what we did to Mike," Edward explained. "Oh," was all I could say.

_So when we let him go, he found his bike with the air out of his tires, with some bite marks… and we ripped off his dinky horn. And when we got home he found more surprises. We had dumped out all his nasty cologne, filled it with perfume, put purple hair dye in his shampoo, and poured ink over all his clothes._

"Really?" I wasn't quite sure what to make of that. To be happy that he got what was coming, or upset it went so far.

"Not to worry," Edward said, guessing my feelings. "It's all invisible ink. It should be gone by now, but he didn't know that last night. Neither did his mother." And with that he let out a dark chuckle.

"And the sales guy?"

"We stink bombed his shop and opened all of his products so he can't sell him. Not that he would anyway. Plus, just a smidge of graffiti. Courtesy of the La Push boys," Edward explained.

"Oh nice," I congratulated.

"Yes, I thought you'd feel that way. That's why I was late last night." Edward said, releasing my hand.

"Were you? I didn't notice. I was out like a light last night. I bet that was a side affect of the love darts." After I said this I leaned my head back against the seat and closed my eyes. Edward let out a hmm… as an answer, but besides that it was quiet.

I was hoping to get a little rest, but all too soon we were at school. Though I was a little anxious to see Mike, I have a trick or two up my sleeve…

**MWHAHAHAHA!! so this obviously means there will be a EPILOGUE!! YAY!! i couldnt let just the guys have all the fun! (i also had to add jake cuz what kinda werewolf enthusiast would i be if i didnt??) this also give you guys another chance to REVIEW!! so... PUSH THAT BUTTON!!**


	5. EPILOGUE!

**so yes, this is the sad end to my story. BOO HOO!! but do not fear, you will see mea round town... so as promised, this chappy is dedicated to I.Write.sins.Not.Tragedies., and...WAIT!! shes the only new reviewer?? sigh, well, thats ok. at least my FAITHFUL readers review... so before i start hitting the rest of you with ladles (I.W.S.N.T.!!), here is my EPILOGUE!!**

BPOV

"Hey Bells!" Alice shouted, waving to me.

"Hey," I replied.

"Did you get any sleep, knowing you went out with…shudders…Mike?" she asked me, looking totally concerned and repulsed at the same time.

"I'm sure she did," Jasper said interrupting. "I looked at the label for the love dart and it says it may cause drowsiness."

"That's what she said," Edward said, pointing towards me.

With that Emmet burst out laughing. It took him almost 5 minutes before he calmed down enough to look at our confused faces. "You mean you don't know what that means??" he asked incredulously. He looked at us confused, but then said, "Oh, um, it's nothing…" then letting out another laugh, but stopped abruptly.

Why was that funny? I'll never know because right after that the bell rang. "You need to get to class," Edward said lovingly in my ear. A slight shiver went down my neck. He smiled and then led me to class. He gave me a quick kiss and then was off for his first period.

Was I ever going to get used to my personal angel?? I decided the answer was no and headed to my seat.

**In English **

MPOV

"OMG!! Mike what happened??" Jessica asked me, looking really concerned. "Are you OK?"

I laughed to myself. If I couldn't have Bella, then Jessica would do just fine. My sad sob-story would surely get her to like me. "Well," I started in a weak and timid voice, "I was walking home late last night when _they _appeared."

"Who's they?" she asked. She was so hooked.

"This gang of at least 6 big guys were hanging out by Old Man Jones' shop. They were about to graffiti all over his shop windows when I stopped them. _'Hey! You guys gotta get outta here! This is my neighborhood and I don't any of your crap all over it!'_

"So they then came up to me and cornered me. I tried to get away, but they held me fast. So, I took a swing at one of them and hit him right in the jaw. They then started to attack, me" I said pointing to my black eye. "But I finally got to them and they ran off."

"Oh Mike!! How brave of you!! You're like, a hero!" Jessica exclaimed. SU-WEET!!

The truth was that that was totally made up. What really happened was that I was jumped by Bella's like, mafia or something. They trashed my bike, beat me up, made me smell girly, and dyed my hair purple. The worst is what they did to my clothes. My mom found them and gave me a lecture eon keeping my things clean and said that I have to spend every weekend of the month at the shop. The black eye? I told her I has hit with a baseball in gym. My hair? It took me two extra hours to wash it out before my mom saw it. As for the rest of the bruises they gave me, I had to wear a long-sleeve shirt today, even though it was sunny, to hide them all.

Yesterday was sooo not worth the 7.98.

BPOV

What the funny bunny?? That was the most bogus story I've ever heard. I walked into English, only to find Jessica all over Mike.

"Oh Mike!! How brave of you!! You're like, a hero!" she exclaimed. Oh gag me.

But then a thought came to me. Why does Mike get to be the only one to make up stories? And why do the guys get to be the only ones to get back at Mike?? I smiled evilly to myself.

"Hey Mike," I said tenderly. "Sorry about yesterday. Ooh, look at your eye. You really busted it huh?"

He looked at me confused, as did Jessica. "What are you talking about? He was in a brave fight," she said proudly. Mike also couldn't help himself but look smug.

"Is that what he told you?" I asked laughing. "Well that's not true."

"WHAT?" they said in unison, both confused and angry at the same time.

"Well," I started, "I was at the library when I saw Mike. I waved to him and headed in his direction. Of coarse, I tripped over a bump in the rug and fell against a bookshelf. It wobbled, so Mike tried to duck out of the way, but then tripped over a book. He landed against a shelf, causing a book to fall and hit him in the face. I think it was The Little Engine That could, or was it Old McDonald's Storybook Rhymes…" I said. I looked off into space, making it look like I was really concentrating on remembering the story.

But out of the corner of my eye I saw both of their faces and I won't soon forget them. Mike was shocked and upset. Of coarse he can't deny my story. There's no way he'll admit the real one.

Jessica looked confused and a little repulsed. So much for smooth-hero Mike.

"Yeah so bye!!" I said all perky, adding a hand wave as I bounded off to my seat.

It was a couple seconds before Jessica finally said, "Yeah, um, I gotta go too… bye Mike." That left Mike to sit by himself and sulk in defeat. I love how I think.

After class I was greeted by a smirking, yet confused Edward. He had obviously just read Mike's angry and upset mind.

"The Little Engine That Could?" he asked.

"I'll explain later," I replied as we walked off to our classes. Oh, Mike… I thought to myself as I shook my head and laughed.

**all good things must come to an end...but i have more ideas... so watch out for me!! i appreciate the support i got on my FIRST fanfic, ALMOST 800 HITS!! so i am completely happy, no matter how much ive complained. im happy that ive brought so many smiles to people and new catch phrases, i try to (specially in mr. s's class...) so you kno wat comes next...PUSH THAT BUTTON!!**


End file.
